Weekly Message from Head of School 2023/11/13-2023/11/17
Dear Keystonians, ??
I hope this Friday finds you doing well!? ?
A couple of weeks back, the PTA leadership asked families what questions they had about their child’s experience and what topics they wanted to learn more about. We collected nearly a hundred questions about a range of things from basic day to day operations and details of the school to the curriculum to big questions around parenting and child development, like “Should we talk to our kids about war? If so, how?” ?
The PTA has reflected that it would like to create more opportunities for families to explore the role they play in a child’s education. We know that education is much bigger than school—education is the long complex process of becoming. I have heard colleagues in the educational sector call the learning that happens in the margins of school life “family education”. ?The PTA committee members seemed to feel that our community will be well served by more of these types of conversations. ?
During the PTA Town Hall, I briefly shared some preliminary thoughts about talking about war with children. This is a big and important question that we could spend a lifetime pondering. Here are some quick things to think about, not just with a difficult topic like war, but any type of hard conversation with our children. ?
Consider the age of the child. Decide based on your personal and family values about what types of things will be open for discussion in your household. It is good for the adults to be on the same page about this. ?
Reflect on whose needs are being met by talking about this topic with your child(ren). Sometimes, as adults, we carry heavy emotional burdens about world events. That doesn’t mean that our children do. Especially with younger children, we don’t have to explain everything all at once. In topics like this, the child’s needs must come first. We must avoid using discussions with children to meet your own needs about a difficult topic—that can be confusing and unsettling for kids. ?
Finally, get curious about how the child is feeling and follow their questions. It can be tempting to want to problem solve for our child’s emotions, or to deliver knowledge. Consider the two short dialogs below: ?
Dialogue 1: ?
Child:?Dad, did you know that people are at war in [someplace]? ?
Dad:?Yes, it all started hundreds of years ago and [long explanation of the geopolitical context]. It’s really scary isn’t it? Are you scared? Don’t worry you are safe here. ?
Dialogue 2: ?
Child: Dad, did you know that people are at war in [someplace]? ?
Dad:?Yes, I know a little bit about that.?What do you think about that??How does it make you feel? ??
Which approach might be more effective in developing in your child a confidence that their questions matter, and that their feelings are valid? Which approach opens the door to curiosity and wonder, and which one tells children how to feel? I’d be interested to learn what you think about this! Children are rarely well-served when we tell them how they should feel.? “Oh, don’t be nervous—you will do fine on that summative!” What if instead we said: “It makes sense you feel nervous; you have worked hard, and I know you want to do your best. I admire the effort you have put into preparing for this!” ?
As teachers and leaders at Keystone we work hard to make sure that there are abundant opportunities for families to learn more about our educational model and the experience of their children. I hope that we can also create more opportunities for shared meaning-making together about family education. Not just about what teachers are doing for the students at Keystone, but also supporting parents in the complex work of raising these precious humans. I look forward to more of these conversations with you. ?
As the days get shorter and the nights longer, we enter a season of thankfulness—for goodness, for light and for abundance. Last week faculty and staff on campus celebrated the festival of Diwali in a beautiful celebration organized by colleagues from India. In the spirit of that light and gratitude, I am thankful for the wonderful parent-school partnership we have at Keystone. It is a sacred trust from which all of us who teach and learn at Keystone benefit. ?
Looking forward to talking more soon! ?
Warmly, ?
Emily?